by Jason Calsyn
2. Jesus is back, and he’s pissed.
3. Meteor the size of Detroit hits Detroit.
4. James Lewis of Medford, OR is three days late paying his cell phone bill.
5. Um, we’re out of food.
6. Bang. Whimper.
7. Chicago Cubs win World Series.
8. Simultaneous nuclear explosions here here here here here here and here.
9. Orgasm rends fabric of universe.
10. Giant Space Midgets.
10a. Tiny Space Giants.
11. Becky Thomson gets mustard on her prom dress.
12. Rise of the Robots.
12a. Rise of the Insects.
12b. Rise of the Squirrels.
13. Man on stump achieves complete enlightenment, transforming all matter into pure energy.
14. Water shortage, global warming, pandemics, all that stuff.
15. It just kinda stops.