by Andrew Blackman

1. There was a wonderful symmetry to the plot.




2. I think [insert half-remembered argument from an unrelated review you read in the New York Times].




3. It was:
   
   a. [for thrillers] a real page-turner.
   
   b. [for literary fiction] so nuanced.
   
   c. [for any kind of printed matter] so powerful.




4. I enjoyed it for a while, but felt it went on too long (if the other person reacts with surprise and says it was only a 120-page novella, nod sagely and say “Exactly.”).




5. It was a multi-layered book, wasn’t it? I loved the intertextuality, like those allusions to Babylonian mythology that underscore the narrative structure (will make the other person change the subject very quickly).




6. As a matter of fact I haven’t read it. I feel comfortable saying this because my ego is secure enough not to be dented by admitting my ignorance even of this famous book that absolutely everyone has read.*
   
   * Only to be used as a last resort.