a list of shit people said to me after my assault in three acts

by Mary Hanrahan

i
 
do you want a towel
       here’s a jacket
i called the police
 
 
                                             come out
from under there      i won’t hurt you
 
 
let’s get you cleaned up
 
i’m detective loud voice bad breath
    i need to ask you a few questions
 
 
did you know him     what did he look like
 
we will need to take a picture
    do you have clothes you can change into
 
i need to scrape under your nails
 
                    your dad is on the way
 
are you sure it was a gun
                    and not something that looked like a gun
 
    how old are you
have you ever had sex before
tell me again
    what happened
    what did he look like     how old
 
 
are you sure it was a gun
and not something else
like a hammer or a garden tool
 
 
 
 
ii
 
    you are beautiful anyway
 
 
have they found him yet
 
    at least you’ve lost weight
 
 
    we will get you a new mattress
and paint your bedroom
 
 
i can’t date you anymore
    my mom says i have to focus on school
and
 
 
you’re messed up right now
 
 
 
hi this is jeff will you go to homecoming with me
 
 
just kidding
this isn’t jeff    (laughter on the other end of the phone)
did you suck his (click)
 
 
 
 
iii
 
where did you get those scars
 
    why is your eye droopy
 
 
you are a jumpy thing
 
    relax a little
 
 
time heals all things    (gag)
 
 
you are so weird
 
 
 
what’s wrong with you
 
    you are so weird
 
    what’s wrong with you
you are so fucked up
 
what is wrong with you
 
 
 
                        at least he didn’t shoot you
 
 
 
not every man is going to rape you    chill
 
 
 
your name means bitter
 
    forgiveness is the only way to forget it
 
    whatever doesn’t kill you . . . (gag gag)
 
it’s not like he rape-raped you
 
 
it could’ve been worse
 
you’re alive that’s what matters
 
    it was so long ago
 
 
 
let it go
 
 
                                             smile

Mary is a writer living with PTSD. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing and an MA in Counseling. Her work appears in Sugar House Review, Artful Dodge, The McNeese Review, Boudin, and elsewhere online and in print. Find her on Twitter @marybhanrahan.