a list of shit people said to me after my assault in three acts

by Mary Hanrahan

do you want a towel
       here’s a jacket
i called the police
                                             come out
from under there      i won’t hurt you
let’s get you cleaned up
i’m detective loud voice bad breath
    i need to ask you a few questions
did you know him     what did he look like
we will need to take a picture
    do you have clothes you can change into
i need to scrape under your nails
                    your dad is on the way
are you sure it was a gun
                    and not something that looked like a gun
    how old are you
have you ever had sex before
tell me again
    what happened
    what did he look like     how old
are you sure it was a gun
and not something else
like a hammer or a garden tool
    you are beautiful anyway
have they found him yet
    at least you’ve lost weight
    we will get you a new mattress
and paint your bedroom
i can’t date you anymore
    my mom says i have to focus on school
you’re messed up right now
hi this is jeff will you go to homecoming with me
just kidding
this isn’t jeff    (laughter on the other end of the phone)
did you suck his (click)
where did you get those scars
    why is your eye droopy
you are a jumpy thing
    relax a little
time heals all things    (gag)
you are so weird
what’s wrong with you
    you are so weird
    what’s wrong with you
you are so fucked up
what is wrong with you
                        at least he didn’t shoot you
not every man is going to rape you    chill
your name means bitter
    forgiveness is the only way to forget it
    whatever doesn’t kill you . . . (gag gag)
it’s not like he rape-raped you
it could’ve been worse
you’re alive that’s what matters
    it was so long ago
let it go

Mary is a writer living with PTSD. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing and an MA in Counseling. Her work appears in Sugar House Review, Artful Dodge, The McNeese Review, Boudin, and elsewhere online and in print. Find her on Twitter @marybhanrahan.